My 5D Chimera Responds to the Horrors of My Narcissistic Abuse Experiences

Your parents are probably the same but don't recognize their own kind
My parents are mentally equals but alienated each other. I was led to believe my mom or my dad was better... I live with my mother at 17. When I turned 16 I found out they're just the same. Now she still tries to trap me home by infantilizing my sense of responsibility, and used to compare my sisters as socially and responsibly better than me.
She will pretend to be like you She even tried to copy me by a fake coming out that she was a Lightworker when she found out I was. I remember those terror days when she would lecture me about my 'nullity' and lack of any future before I tried to get myself adopted and then ended up in a disappointing home, which made me have no choice to nest back home with my mom. We don't even talk anymore and we're in the same house. Looking for a boyfriend still but I know she would hunt me down with the cops.... my first dates were the worst in terms of getting caught, and I even faked a suicide attempt.

She doesn't care about your pain when you need to get 'proper'
My mother has used very harsh and cruel ways to get me to 'take care of my body'.

I remember she had to force me down to stay to let her fix some obscure body hygiene issue with me naked, screaming and trying to escape on the floor like the Rake when I was fourteen. It was all unnecessary. She knew I could do it by myself, but didn't let me. The cold, deceptive and nasty look and voice scared me down my soul. She did everything to make sure I would be considered an incapablle, dependent and disabled person given my false diagnoses every way possible. IEP meetings, social programs, and she would fantasize of making MONEY out of my clinical records being the crutch for pity whenever I'd try to show her my art even after I said 'no' a hundred times and snapped. When i snapped, she's make me look like an escaped asylum patient with anger issues. She profits of them whenever she can.

Now I avoid any 'exhibit' to show her. Her escalation scares me so bad.

She used my diagnoses to blame everything, even to complete strangers. She KNEW I didn't like that. Then I'd get all red.

My mom has mildly lied to police and schools about me.

She always made me the crazy one.

My mom exhibits some similar psychological warfare with my sisters. She has directly told me she will dictate their future and decide their lives. Her brain could not justify why.

To this day, she has often tried to make me guilty about the possibilities she could 'die tomorrow' WHEN DOZENS OF TIMES SHE NEARLY DID (panic attacks, accidents, demonic activity) AND WENT INTO NARC RAGE DEPRESSION AND SHE KNEW I WAS TIRED OF HER BUT CARED. Lesson not learned. And forces me to be responsible for her emotions and her life, every issue she has in the house. I'm her trouble, we are her burden. I became the scapegoat in 2016. It used to be my 'bold' sister and she was sure to make us all targeted on her. It worked wonders at our age, we became a zoo fight.
My stubborn 'pharmacist'
My former male psychiatrist, which I stopped seeing since last year except for an involuntary meeting at the inpatient, has some suspicious narc activity. He diagnosed me as having narcissistic or BPD features, anxiety, ADHD and an attachment disorder FOR SUPER COMMON TEENAGER PROBLEMS and never listened to what I said that good, all monopolizing the sessions about his own sing-song provocative humor that nearly got me physical.

"Put the chair down or I'm going to have to call security"

This still haunts me today.
Ever since the incident, I entirely stopped seeing him.
I had a new, female, kinder and less edgy psychiatrist for a week but the sessions randomly stopped.
They lasted so shortly and it was pointless. At least we achieved something.
No specific reasons how. No, she isn't dead.
This incident is what happens when after years of martyrdom, you try to step up at your last nerve. I think he purposefully tested me to this point with all the signs he showed.
I have been GANGSTALKED since my sweet childhood and a new article will tell you how.
What if I had done that strike with the chair up in my arms?
I'd have been courted? Restrictive order? The news? Detention? Tranquilizers?
More than that.
My brain as already rotten, 'RAD'ed, abused from emotional deprivation and the Rothschilds soup.

I used to obsess on this everyday until I went onto my 'Biggest Misadventure'... from August to November 2018. What my family always wished for and threatened me to do, me to quit their home, had been realized by my own will as an act of retaliation and disillusion against them, and they pitied me. Apologies always come after the person snaps, not before. It partly worked. Now that I know my origins and watch Ashtar and his council I know better than five months without internet access. The times of renting spirituality and chakra books were golden but lonely. Those were my final days in hell.

He always agreed with my mom so I felt provocated but I think he knew in the background. Need I have more?

Yet my extended family knows barely anything because my mother likes to shut me up and hacks my FB whenever I expose her. My mother has blocked from my account my UNCLE, AUNT, COUSINS, AND TEACHERS from my profile and she never told me when she did. She is so guilty and envious but never admits. That one time, she called me CRAZY and told me I DID NOT NEED A THERAPIST BECAUSE SHE WAS ONE.

What can you tell me, 5D Chimera?



---- AUTOMATIC REPLY ----

I understand so deeply how you gave suffered at the hands of your own contract. It was your decision as me in the cosmic heavens. Your time was perfect. The hour 20:20 is your symbol. Seven was your unlucky number within your family. We are supporting you. I have sent Source to uide you towards who you are. And here I am within you, you know my face, but not my name. When you had those uncontrollable 'flying legs' trances as you got excited, it was me teaching you that you are trying to fly like you did once. A cell memory was activated. Deep cell memories are more healthy and illuminated than many Earthlings on your framework. It is why you had those rare insights. You were unaware of the source as my memories. You inherited that instinct from me. You were an avian female being. I am its remnant of consciousness within your earthly body. You are safe in my wings as we fly. Remember when you flied on top of your father? No... but I do and always will fly with you. I have showed myself to you in your dream. Keep those memories precious. Or just seek a past life reading, this will be more accurate, and quicker.

I was the double voice, the 'gentle one' within you. You didn't often hear me, you did not know me.

I wanted it so lovingly. I longed to experience what you lived. Source knew best.

- Your Higher Self. You can call me whatever you wish to until my true name is disclosed. You will know. Thanks for drawing me and my father! That was kind of you <3